


This is the Worthwhile Fight

by katayla



Category: Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 00:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1100330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate and Curran's relationship post-Magic Rises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is the Worthwhile Fight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magisterequitum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magisterequitum/gifts).



I climbed on to the deck and stretched in the morning light. Just like on the journey from home, only with a few more aches and pains. Dolittle had taken care of most of the external ones, but the internal ones . . . some of them would never go away.

Aunt B.

And Curran. When I slipped out of bed, I'd expected him to follow me, but he kept his eyes closed while I dressed and didn't say a word. He really did know me so well. I didn't want to spar with him. Not today. I'd been alone for so long and I couldn't wish to go back to that life. I had so much more now and how could I ever let any of it go? Curran was mine.

But he had hurt me like no one else could have.

I picked up Slayer and began to work. My blade whipped in the air faster and faster. The cost of the panacea had been so high. I couldn't say too high because I knew Aunt B would've made that sacrifice a thousand times over, but I hated it. I imagined stabbing everyone who had laid a hand on her. Imagined stabbing Lorelei, too. And maybe Curran.

Slayer flashed in front of me as I imagined running it through Curran's heart. I put the blade down and sighed. No, I didn't want to stab Curran. What I really wanted was to trust him again and I didn't know how to get that back. If I could get it back.

I heard footsteps and Andrea appeared.

"Hey, Kate."

I nodded a greeting and picked Slayer back up.

"How are you?" Andrea asked. She started stretching, making sure to stay out of Slayer's reach.

"How are you?"

"Well, my children are safe, but they'll never know their grandmother."

I scowled and imagined killing another enemy.

Andrea let me stab in peace for a few minutes then asked again, "How are you?"

"We have the panacea," I said. "That has to be enough."

"Kate," Andrea said. "Why don't you slow down? If Dolittle sees you, he's going to have a fit."

"It makes me feel better."

Andrea sighed. "We'll be okay."

I let Slayer clatter to the floor. "Aunt B is dead and Roland is coming and Curran . . . ."

"And Curran what?"

I sat down next to her. "I know he loves me. And I love him. But how do you get past . . . ."

Betrayal. Heartbreak. Pick your favorite.

"You talk about it. You keep moving forward," Andrea said. "And you remember you love him."

I breathed in and out and watched the ocean.

*

The journey home was quiet. If I could forget about everything that led us here, I might even call it peaceful. We were battered, those of us left, but we were _here_. Aunt B was gone and Roland was coming and Curran and I had been stretched to the very limit, but we had this time together before we got home and everything started up again. Before we had to begin preparing the Keep for attack.

We moved around each other quietly. Some of us spent a lot of time by ourselves and others seemed to never be alone. Curran moved carefully around me. Whenever we were in the same room, I'd feel his eyes resting on me. If I let our gazes meet, he'd come and put his arms around me. Or take my hand. Touch me like he was reassuring himself that I was still here and still okay.

I was here, but I didn't know if I was okay. I don't think any of us knew if we were okay. We could tally up up the physical wounds, but those weren't the ones that flashed in Raphael's eyes and dimmed Andrea's smile. The ones that made me hesitate when I reached for Curran.

During the day, I walked the decks with my pack mates and let the ocean air wash over me and I could forget about everything that was coming and, sometimes, everything that had already happened. At night, sometimes I woke up with nightmares. I saw Roland killing them over and over again. Curran. Julie. Andrea. Derek. He brought Aunt B back and killed her, too.

And Curran would pull me in his arms and he'd whisper that he loved me and that we could survive anything together.

I couldn't quite believe that.

*

I yawned and turned another page of my book. Curran would walk in any minute now. I hadn't seen him much today and I just wanted to reassure myself that he was still here. He'd kissed me this morning and headed off to his round of meetings, while I went to work and I had missed him all day.

It had been a few months and I still imagined him flashing that smile at someone else. Calling her "baby" and sparring with her. It was stupid. He wouldn't do that. And, most of the time, I could tell myself that and believe it. But I was the only one in the office today and the phone hadn't rung, so there was nothing to do but think and worry.

And then he walked into the room.

"Hey," he said, and walked over to the bed. "What are you still doing up?"

"I wanted to see you," I said.

He cupped my cheek with his hand. "I'm right here, baby."

"Hi."

"Hi," he said, and leaned down to kiss me.

*

Life went on. I couldn't ever relax all the way, but it got easier. I went back to whining about Pack petitions and scraping up whatever jobs I could get.

And Curran would sometimes swing by the office just because and he'd sneak me somewhere no one could find us and we would talk and make out and I could feel some of the doubts slipping away from me. I tried to grab on to them because I didn't want to forget what could happen, how I could be hurt, but they insisted on fading more and more.

*

I looked down at the ring on my finger. Kate Daniels, engaged. And wouldn't Voron be rolling in his grave?

Curran's arms came around me and he pulled me close. "Second thoughts?"

"No."

"Good, because I'm not letting you go."

"That's not really romantic," I said. "What if I wanted to leave?"

He growled softly in my ear and turned me around to face him.

"Kate, you stayed. I can't ever tell you what that means to me. I don't deserve it."

I touched his face. "I'm still a bad bet."

"I'm still a bastard."

"By my count, that means we're still perfectly suited for each other."

He pulled me even closer to me. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He was mine and I wasn't letting him go either.


End file.
